Sometimes I feel like I just
can’t catch a break.
It’s that old saying, one
step forward , two giant steps back.
One cant help get frustrated,
sad, scared, and even get the feeling of giving up...
At the times that you
can't, you've got to figure out how to get around or over them and past them. Set backs are just bumps in the road, they are not the end of the roads.
I have had two set backs this
week
ONE was that the dressing
from my PICC line coverage caused a severe skin reaction in which prompted a
removal of it. My left arm had been
itching for a week. Turns out I developed
an allergic reaction to the dressing coverage of my PICC line.
I only show you this photo
for awareness of these hurdles we must endure to get better.
Until the nurse comes to insert my new picc line in my right arm, as to let my left arm to breathe, I now have a peripheral line in.
Peripheral lines are only
temporary, more often used for a one time infusion. I had to have it put in to make sure I can
take my medicine accordingly (every day) while I wait….
(You may think, why not just
go to the ER instead, BUT its not necessarily a good idea. When having an open area where a catheter is
placed, you are susceptible to everything, and in the ER you are VERY
susceptible to a getting a staph infection.
So if you have home care with your insurance, it’s better to be patient
and just wait.)
SECOND set back has been that
the anti-biotics have caused abnormal liver function. So I have been ordered to STOP my medicine. This is just another bump in this crazy road
I’m living on, you don’t know what to expect on a daily basis. You have no comfort in knowing if you are
getting better, doing the right thing for your body, and if anything of this
stuff… anti-biotics, herbal tinctures, meds in pill form and supplements even
matter.
This Lyme bacteria is so
intelligent it will just keep destroying you no matter how hard you fight, and
your body is in a constant battle between the Lyme attacking every aspect of
your insides AND the meds to kill the bacteria also affect and can damage major
organs or cause vitamin depletion.
This is when the strength
within you comes forth,
BUT
Saying you are strong and
being strong are two very opposite actions and I have been through the phase of
putting a brave face on, saying I’m fine,
when I actually feet like I
was dying on the inside.
\
I have been hiding my inner
emotions for the most part to empower me to stay strong and also to protect my
family and friends from worrying about me. That is until recently. I have come to realize from actual experience
that holding is not worth the toxicity that comes with it. Holding everything in for the sake of others counter acts ALL you are doing daily to fight this illness. I have been strong through this and that is
because I have had no other choice, but I cry.
CRY if you have to, VENT if
you have to, that’s what this blog is for, for me!
I don’t think of crying as a
sign of weakness.
Tears release the pain that words cannot express and the soul cant bare.
I have recently chosen to be
completely open in this experience.
I’m not going to say I feel emotionally strong right now, in fact I feel frustrated, scared that I might not be able to go back on the medicine, scared that the Lyme is winning the battle, BUT... what we fear doing the most is usually what we most need to do!!!
“You don’t drown by
falling in water. You drown by staying there”
"The bravest thing you can do when
you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly." ~ Corra Harris
How do we find the courage
within ourselves?
The most important
thoughts and actions are never comfortable or easy.
What I have come to realize
is you have to try your hardest NOT to WORRY about the actual actions of being brave through the bumps in the road and the setbacks. You literally have
to go through the motions, LISTEN to your Dr. because he knows best...
AND ALWAYS KEEP ON TRUCKING!!
Of a come-back!
Blessing to All!!
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