The Conspiracy of Plum Island Unsealed

 This is an episode from a new series called Unsealed.  

This episode is called Bio-Hazard Island

Just a morsel of the many points explaining the "conspiracy of Plum Island" is how the government created this disease with the intention for biological warfare....

If the government created it, then they of course do not want to admit Chronic Lyme is an actual disease.

The greatest feeling, is when you can, for the first time really feel some relief just by knowing now an actual series, an actual network, broadcasted everywhere. chose to unseal this conspiracy.  Airing everywhere PROOF that the government did create Lyme Disease. 

In there second episode no less! 

Here is the link to the full episode, if it doesn't work for you, the series is on Netflix:

Unsealed, Edipsode 2:  Bio-Hazard Island

Unsealed Episode 2: Bio Hazard Island

Why I have been absent from my blog for almost a year

I have been absent from my blog for a very long time.  It actually has been almost a year since my last post.  Part of the reason is that I was off treatment for a while and was questioning this whole process and another reason is I had to go back to work to ensure cheap health insurance.

 Working and Treating Chronic Lyme do Not mix!

I only lasted 6 months at my job because in the beginning of my third month working I started treatment again and this time I had IVIG added to the treatment.

I would schedule my IVIG for Friday nights since it was a three hour drip and I would need two days to recover from it in the beginning.  So I was working an extreme high stress, high volume job Monday through Friday from 9am to 6pm, run home to administer my rocephin and never really letting the stress of the day melt away.

During the fifth month of working another anti biotic was added to my treatment.  Azithromycin, which was a 1 hour drip.  Imagine now, waking up at 6:30, starting a very stressful job at 9am, then leaving at 6pm to run home and makes sure I started my treatment early since it was now a two hour process with both anti-biotics and prep and after prep time.  I would sometimes get home from work frustrated, STRESSED and sad which would then lead to me not even wanting to start my IV meds.  I would wait till I was more calm and those nights I wouldn’t be done with my drips till about 1am.

I was just going through the motions everyday for 6 months.  I became even more depressed than usual, because all my life was working, anti-biotic drips, IVIG drip, sleep then work again on Monday.  I would literally wake up stressed before even getting in the shower.

 All my symptoms increased and sometimes the pain would be so unbarable, in my head I would start thinking about how I couldn't live like this anymore.

Then it came to the point when I asked myself, what’s more important: working, which had caused immense amount of strain on my body and tons of daily stress building up OR my HEALTH.

Of course I chose health.

 One other important factor to why I resigned that must be mentioned, was that all the stress I endured everyday was actually counter acting the meds I was administering.  Therefore my treatment had no possible way of working; also all the money spent on the treatment was just going down the drain. 

Stress induces most anything, it can cause illnesses, even can kill a person.  I knew I had to put a stop to the harm that was happening to my body that was work induced.

It now has been a few weeks and I still have not been able to let all the stress I built up dissipate.  I’m trying though.

Now is the time for me to stress less, focus on my treatment and start living again!!

How I feel now.... Learn how Chronic Lyme REALLY affects me, I am just another case of a disease that has no cure...

 I am a face for this disease that is so unknown.

 Yes I have late stage neurological Lyme. 

Yes everyday is a battle. 

Yes I get angry.  

Yes it hurts.  

Yes I grieve. 

Yes I feel left behind. 

Yes it's a prison. 

Yes I can't just escape. 

Yes it's scary. Yes it feels that it may never end.

 I say I feel "stuck" every day of my life.... I am not getting better, I am getting worse.  What I have to do is be patient and trust my doctor... but in the mean time I am getting sick with infections upon infections and its breaking me down, its breaking my spirit down.

 

What do you do when all hope is lost?

 I do not want sympathy nor do I want help,  Getting sympathy just makes me feel worse and when asked for help I just get frustrated.  To be honest no one can help me right now.  Only my dr. and he is even struggling with figuring out the right treatment for me.

"I’m Fine"... and how to formulate the emotions you really feel when asked questions from loved ones.

Let’s talk about this statement.  So simple.  Two words.  Answers a question, right?

  You will of course be asked many questions and given many encouraging statements from friends and family that care about you.  

They ask because they love!

So why does it trigger so many emotions all at once?

During this whole process I have been completely open and honest about everything BUT when someone asks any of these questions  or gives me and encouraging words, I find my self holding back.  I hold back because The truth is too hard for them to understand.  You fear that once you tell the truth it will either scare whom ever asked away, or they might automatically think you are “attention seeking” OR you just cant muster up the strength to really explain the cluster of physical and emotional feelings you FEEL and are DEALING with.  The real truth is Real, Provocative and you know they just wont "get it"

You don’t want to attack the person by making them feel like their question triggers these emotions… you are also grateful that they are reaching out because......

....so you say I’m Fine, but you really feel the opposite

I share this post because it exemplifies the rollercoaster of emotions, choices you make on how to speak out, and some realness for friends and family whom might be looking at this post to know what we are really feeling, and don't have the courage to say.

 (There are of course ways to get around the realness and use humor with what you are really dealing with.)

but in reality the roller-coaster of emotions make you say to yourself...

So now I speak to all you sufferers out there.....

I have said this before and I'll reiterate again that you can't avoid obstacles in your way of healing but you CAN choose to use outlets.

So i will leave you with this song that I relate to Which I have shared on my facebook page).... it's dark and sad, but it helps me, and maybe it might help someone out there too.  Just hearing the words that you are feeling but cant put into word...

This is Passenger (his name is Mike)  He speaks the truth....

It's ok to relate and feel these things, just know you are on a path.  Don't let the obstacles get in your way...

Blessings to all...

PICC Line Insertion Procedure

 This post is to show the complete process.

Like I have said in many other posts, I have chosen to create this blog not only for cathartic reasons, to reach out to those out there who can find a place to find comfort through relating, BUT it is also to show AWARENESS of the day to day things we lymies have to endure.

My last post I spoke about having to switch my PICC line from my left arm to my right arm due to a bad skin reaction to the dressing/coverage.

I remember when I first found out I had to start IV and waiting for the line to be inserted I had so many questions about the procedure.  I spent hours online looking for how it was done, but all I could find was just the definition of what a PICC line is and what it is for.

 Today a nurse came to remove the temporary peripheral line and insert my new PICC line.

I have chosen to document the procedure this time for those who are curious, just like I was, and maybe put you at ease.

PICC Line Insertion Procedure

Removal of the peripheral line, while the lidocaine cream is numbing the vein area where the PICC line will be inserted.

Peripheral line removed and PICC insertion about to begin.

Sterilizing the insertion area.

Getting my vein ready for insertion.

My nurse getting the PICC line and the vessel to insert it in my vein ready.

Insertion of the vessel (only part of the procedure that's a bit painful)

 

My nurse getting a hold of the PICC line before inserting it through my vein.

The line is halfway up!

Line is in!

Holding down the insertion area while cleansing the line with saline.

The vessel has been removed and now just remains the line.

Nurse just about to clean the area.

Cleaned and Inserted.

Putting the tape with the attachment that holds the line in place. 

 Everythings in place!

My nurse putting my new Ultra sensitive dressing/coverage!

Completion!

 

I am now feeling many emotions, it's amazing how this disease can mess with your head, I'm happy that the procedure is over but I'm overcome with the feeling that tears are about to fall and I don't know why.  This has been an anxiety ridden, emotional day, BUT from the very wise words of my Aunt Maureen,

"There are No two days alike. Thank g-d especially when issues surfaces without warning!"

 

So I leave you with this quote which sums me up at the moment.

and thats the truth!

Blessing to All!!

How do Find Courage and Strength When Constant Bumps in the Road and Setbacks Break You Down?

  Sometimes I feel like I just can’t catch a break.

 It’s that old saying, one step forward , two giant steps back.

One cant help get frustrated, sad, scared, and even get the feeling of giving up...

 At the times that you can't, you've got to figure out how to get around or over them and past them. Set backs are just bumps in the road, they are not the end of the roads.

I have had two set backs this week

ONE was that the dressing from my PICC line coverage caused a severe skin reaction in which prompted a removal of it.  My left arm had been itching for a week.  Turns out I developed an allergic reaction to the dressing coverage of my PICC line.

I only show you this photo for awareness of these hurdles we must endure to get better.

Until the nurse comes to insert my new picc line in my right arm, as to let my left arm to breathe, I now have a peripheral line in.

 

Peripheral lines are only temporary, more often used for a one time infusion.  I had to have it put in to make sure I can take my medicine accordingly (every day) while I wait….

(You may think, why not just go to the ER instead, BUT its not necessarily a good idea.  When having an open area where a catheter is placed, you are susceptible to everything, and in the ER you are VERY susceptible to a getting a staph infection.  So if you have home care with your insurance, it’s better to be patient and just wait.)

SECOND set back has been that the anti-biotics have caused abnormal liver function.  So I have been ordered to STOP my medicine.  This is just another bump in this crazy road I’m living on, you don’t know what to expect on a daily basis.  You have no comfort in knowing if you are getting better, doing the right thing for your body, and if anything of this stuff… anti-biotics, herbal tinctures, meds in pill form and supplements even matter.

This Lyme bacteria is so intelligent it will just keep destroying you no matter how hard you fight, and your body is in a constant battle between the Lyme attacking every aspect of your insides AND the meds to kill the bacteria also affect and can damage major organs or cause vitamin depletion.

 

This is when the strength within you comes forth, 

BUT

Saying you are strong and being strong are two very opposite actions and I have been through the phase of putting a brave face on, saying I’m fine, 

when I actually feet like I was dying on the inside.

\

I have been hiding my inner emotions for the most part to empower me to stay strong and also to protect my family and friends from worrying about me.  That is until recently.  I have come to realize from actual experience that holding is not worth the toxicity that comes with it.  Holding everything in for the sake of others counter acts ALL you are doing daily to fight this illness.  I have been strong through this and that is because I have had no other choice, but I cry.  

 CRY if you have to, VENT if you have to, that’s what this blog is for, for me! 

I don’t think of crying as a sign of weakness.  

Tears release the pain that words cannot express and the soul cant bare.

I have recently chosen to be completely open in this experience.

 

I’m not going to say I feel emotionally strong right now, in fact I feel frustrated, scared that I might not be able to go back on the medicine, scared that the Lyme is winning the battle, BUT... what we fear doing the most is usually what we most need to do!!!

          “You don’t drown by falling in water. You drown by staying  there”

  "The bravest thing you can do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly." ~ Corra Harris

How do we find the courage within ourselves?   

The most important thoughts and actions are never comfortable or easy.

What I have come to realize is you have to try your hardest NOT to WORRY about the actual actions of being brave through the bumps in the road and the setbacks.  You literally have to go through the motions, LISTEN to your Dr. because he knows best...

 AND ALWAYS KEEP ON TRUCKING!!

                  

            Every set back bears with it the seeds 
                                Of a come-back!


Blessing to All!!

Lyrics to Let it Be...

This blog post is the first of probably many more in which I'll be letting it all out (A.K.A. "ranting"),  It's cathartic.  I want to comfort you all by letting you know this is not to encourage negativity, my main goal is to hope I may reach out to others out there that are feeling alone and lost sometimes just like me.  My stream of conciousness...


When the sun goes down I often feel the belt which restricts my breath loosen one notch. 

 My body then tingles and warms back up and my skin turns red.



Once the daylights break.... the sensitivity I unfortunately gain from light fogs me up just like this...

  
 Thoughts become clear once daylight break..
                                                                     ..and turn into questions.

    Too many questions how to make sense of it all?


                 There's not much you can do if you're flat on the couch, unable to move at times,


 ....So I turn to MUSIC, which is not just a passion of mine, but pretty much the only thing that gives me faith lately.
I want to share this song because it powered me to calm down     because of how much I could relate.  Also Just having something out there, someone out there that feels similar, that can put into words how I'm feeling.



Listen to it and instead of "the Longer you run", inference it to "the longer you FIGHT"....

You dont know always have to be positive and listen to uplifting songs to change your attitude.  I firmly believe you need to feel every emotion, stare it in the face, come to terms with it, and release it.

I hope this song may do exactly that to any of you.

Blessings to all!!!